Paranoid.

Salah satu lirik lagu dari Harry Styles yang ngetrigger:

"Harry, you're no good alone

Why are you sittin' at home on the floor?

What kind of pills are you on?"

My biggest concern when I entered the therapy with psychiatrist was "How can I have a good sleep quality?". My minds keeps alive on midnight, I blame myself and my "what if" spinning around on my fcking head. Sleep late over and over.

Kerja jam 5 sore sampe jam 3 pagi, tidur, bangun, tidur, bangun. Gitu terus sampe pusing sendiri. Sometimes ya cuma bisa read chat aja tanpa reply karena suka tiba-tiba lupa. Paranoid. Kalau di ping, baru ngeh oh iya belum bales. Sorry.

Dulu bisa berjam-jam nonton youtube atau nonton drakor maraton, sekarang? 5 menit nonton youtube tiba-tiba pengen buka netflix nonton drakor, baru 5 menit tiba-tiba pengen main game, pas lagi war tiba-tiba loss aja pengen afk. Salah satu jenis player yang dibenci ya ini. hehehe

Also I did smth that I never imagine before, my minds turn into a wild and danger but unfortunately it feels nice at the same time. I've been a smoker for almost 7 months. "Being a smoker has no effect on our morale" begitu pembenaran yang aku pegang.

It helps me, really. I can hold my paranoid when it comes. But still, I need 2 tablets of antimo a day to help me fall asleep. Awalnya seperempat, ningkat jadi setengah, ningkat jadi 1 terus aja sampe works di 2 tablet. Thanks to the creator of Antimo dimanapun kamu berada.

I think, solusi yang paling bisa dilakukan adalah pindah kerja jadi normal dan berusaha hidup normal kembali. Biar ga dikira ternak babi ngepet karena dirumah terus tapi ko hedon mulu. Heran. Tenang, ngga open jasa VCS ko, takut kaya mendadak haha. Tapi emang orang mikir aneh pas aku jawab kerja malem dirumah. I don't mind. Skip.

Anehnya, capek nya ga ketulungan. Lelah banget rasanya. Tiap jam 10 pagi sampe jam 3 sore biasanya beneran susah ngapa-ngapain. Badan kaya di turn off. Paranoid terus. Udah ga sehat banget. Apalagi pikiran yang makin kesini makin gila rasanya.

There's an app called MYOB (Mind Your Own Business), we should learn to use the app for our peacefulness and stay away from paranoid.